Refire! Don't Retire

Find direction, Purpose and Passion.

“Go deep inside yourself and find the treasure that is known by your name.”

                                                                        … Virginia Satir

            What’s the big OMG moment for 50-year-olds?  When they say, “My life is half over.” And begin to ask, “What haven’t I done that I want to do in this lifetime?”  The answers get fuzzy. Our points of view change as we enter the second half of life and continue to challenge us through the 60’s, 70’s, 80’s and beyond. Knowing what we want to do with the years ahead is the greatest puzzle of aging.

            When we’re young, societal, and parental expectations were clearly defined for most of us. In our 20’s and 30’s we took on occupational, long-term relationships and family responsibilities. By our late 40’s we may be close to the zenith of our careers.  But the 50’s are different. Our kids leave home to create lives of their own. Our financial burdens are usually less onerous. If we’re lucky, our relationships are intact. In any case, many of us are full-grown adults with only a hazy idea about what comes next and uncomfortable with the shift from Doing (as in working) to Being, (as in self-discovery). We even have different names for 50+ like the Third Act or The Over the Hill Gang. And all of us face the prejudice of Ageism that penetrates our society.

            Women escaping the domination of hormones, can experience the energy of ‘post-menopausal zest’ – freedom from birthing, childcare, and most housebound chores. No more childbearing, monthly cramps, hot spells, and mood swings. New doors open to explore the dreams left by the wayside. Our sense of personal identity changes as we move from an external focus to an internal one.

After 50, though there are usually fewer demands for productivity, there are even fewer guidelines. Some of us feel lost. Filled with fear and self-doubt, some try to look and act as we did when we were 30. Some take on grandparenting full time, while others relish opportunities for travel, recreation, creativity, and exciting discoveries. The question is which path to chart and where it will lead? 

One thing is sure. Now, it’s all about me and the burning question: What will I do with the 30 to 40 years ahead? How do I figure it out? I’m all grown up with no place to go.

 These are the questions about the years ahead that lurk in the shadows and tighten our abdomens:

Who am I?

What I want to do? 

What will give my life meaning? 

What difference will my life make?

What kind of a legacy will I leave?

How do I want to be remembered?

We’ve put down the heavy load, but what about the dreams we left on the shelf so many years ago? What do I want, and which ones should I choose?

The in-between time of transitioning to a different lifestyle can be strange and confusing. But opportunities are waiting. Poet Mary Oliver asks us, “What do you want to do with this one precious life?” Psychologist Virginia Satir suggests that we, “Go deep inside and find the treasure that is known by your name.”

The late Rabbi Harold Kushner, author of When All You Ever Wanted Isn’t Enough, and When Bad Things Happen to Good People, tells us, “Our souls are hungry for meaning, for the sense that we have figured out how to live so that our lives matter so that the world will be at least a little bit different for our having passed through it.”

Evolution has given us a gift of an expanded lifetime if only we can see the possibilities ahead as challenges to create what we had no time to complete in the earlier, busier lives.  Some people achieve their greatest success in old age. At age 90, Tony Bennett was still performing countless concerts all over the world and continues his painting.  Willie Nelson is singing his way across the country to standing room only crowds. Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg continued to serve on the U.S. Supreme Court despite age and illness. At 87, Ram Dass was still writing, lecturing, and teaching in spite a debilitating stroke. Former President Jimmy Carter and his wife are still travel.

ling the world to promote peace and justice. Elie Wiesel, philosopher, Nobel Prize winner, author, and activist, was still speaking and writing at 87. Henry Kissinger counsels world leaders and is writing at 92. And here I am at the age of 88 stumbling through learning how to operate Substack!

My husband and I declared leaving our careers as a time to REFIRE, not retire! To find direction and a purpose that re-energizes us. To explore new territory and unpack old dreams. 

I’ve learned that asking the BIG questions and writing down my answers helps me focus on what’s next.  Examining the present, the past, and the future is the first step. Here are some suggestions:

Past - Where have I been? What have I learned from my life experience?

Present - Where am I now? What have I accomplished? What have I left unfinished?

Future – What is my vision for the future? What do I want to achieve? What will give my life meaning?

            The answers are different for everyone, but one thing is certain. The time to answer these questions grows more precious. Each decade opens a different perspective. People in their 50’s have a different focus than those of us in our 80’s. However, all of us can look for paths to guide us to roads less traveled. I invite you to REFIRE your desires by designing your personal road map.  Don’t abandon your dreams on the road not taken.